Midgar310: this all changed when my weight became problematic, shortly in the wake of parental marriage collapse.
Midgar310: since that time, when i was perfect, i have sought to return to a state of unflinching self assurance
Midgar310: it is difficult.
Midgar310: i have been told i am intellectually pretentious, condescending, judgemental, obnoxious, and shallow.
Midgar310: i’ve tried dumbing myself down, dressing like a boy, cutting my hair to symbolize my non attatchment to the world, being polyamorous, being a ho, being quiet, and being mystical.
Midgar310: oh, and being meek.
Midgar310: door mat-ish
. . . of hard work. Sometimes, work is tedious and it often seems like you work all day for little result.
But occasionally, you spend from 1am to 6am doing physical labor that results in an obvious improvement. It’s pretty satisfying.
This is what our server room looked like last night:
53400037.JPG
And after 5 hours of late-night work (from three of us), here’s the result:
http://www.recipeseasy.com/menu/pasta-recipes.php
http://www.recipeseasy.com/menu/potato-recipes.php
http://www.recipeseasy.com/menu/salad-recipes.php
53400039.JPG
We finally finished our building renovation, so the network wiring was completed and not likely to change. Until the renovation was finished, we had to use a lot of temporary patch cables. Thankfully, the embarassing spaghetti-like mass of cables that used to drap
Midgar310: none of these things have made me happy.
Midgar310: perhaps i am simply destined to be a bette davis level bitch
Midgar310: i think once i streamline this a bit it will be my introductory selfabsorption meta
Rawles: well it’s certainly a good introduction
Midgar310: do you think so?
Rawles: though it makes me want to write like anthropological meta baout like fandom how it tends to attract people who, completely separate from whatever interests, have a lot of similar personal characteristics
Rawles: yes!
Yesterday what iddi I eat, 1/2 a crappy roastbeef sanwhich from Hardee’s. Yucko place, and I really don’t trust their chicken. My dad and I ended up at Chili’s and I did fairly well there, I had some kind of southwest salad, but I asked them for no corn or tortillas. but then I had a beer. Then I watched movies (’The legend of Ron Jermey” and “Slingblade”) with my friends, and I ended up with POPCORN and a slice of pizza.
But I SWEAR Y’all, I am thiner today than I was last week, granted I am almost off my period, but I feel it.
So I just got on back on track this morning iwth my eggs and turkey bacon. I have one last fete’ to attend to today, so we’ll see.
Rawles: it seems honest and straightforward and is a good jumping off point i would think to
Rawles: philosophize about your own…self and personality
Midgar310: can i say something that makes it all come together with the concept?
Rawles: sure
Midgar310: How can I be intellectually “pretentious” when I really am smarter than most people? Doesn’t “pretentious” imply “pretending”?
Rawles: hahahahaa
Rawles: that has been a question that has plagued me
Midgar310: I’m not pretending? I’m a fucking genius?
Rawles: okay to get a little autobiographical, when i was a kid i had like serious self-image issues in that like i refused to believe that i was smart